Without physical compatibility in your relationship, you risk other types of problems popping up, from frustration to emotional detachment. However, while sexual compatibility is sometimes instant, it can also take some work.
Be prepared to put some effort into your relationship when everything seems to be going well except physical compatibility. Throwing in the towel too early can be a mistake if you don’t try to solve the issue.
Make Working on Physical Compatibility a Priority
While every romantic comedy peddles the idea of instant connection, that’s both emotional and physical, things aren’t always that idealized in real life. If you feel like you’re lacking the spark when it comes to physical compatibility, there are quite a few options to try before giving up. Improving communication can help, but keeping an open mind is always important.
Don’t Underestimate the Long Term Effects of Incompatibility
The lack of physical compatibility in your relationship might be something you can live with right now, but things usually get worse. Without the physical connection, emotional troubles and frustrations start showing up, and many can be traced back to that root problem. If you love your partner and want to give the relationship a chance, here’s what you can do to solve the issue.
Talking about sex and other physical aspects of your relationship can be difficult, but it’s also very important for a healthy and happy couple. Work on improving communication and discuss any issues with an open and positive attitude, without blame or judgement.
Banish the Fear of Intimacy
In a world where digital communication is replacing actual human connection and porn can also create mental walls, physical compatibility in your relationship depends a lot on abandoning any fear of intimacy. As long as you’re on the same page as your partner and you’re both willing to work on the issue for the sake of your relationship, you’re starting from a good place.
More: How to Avoid Arguing with Your Partner
Avoid Rationalizing the Problem
There are plenty of objective reasons that can affect physical compatibility, from different work and sleep schedules to medication that affects libido, but rationalizing the problem is not a good idea. Working with a counselor on separating actual reasons from imaginary rationalizations is important, so consider going to couples counseling if the problem persists.
Focus on Quality, Not Quantity
There are many aspects of physical compatibility in your relationship, and quality is the most important one. Even if your libidos vary, when sex is fulfilling for both partners, that means half the problem is solved. Improve the quality by flirting and building up anticipation, but at the same time, don’t put too much pressure on your partner to deliver.
Avoid Falling Into a Rut
If the first attempts at finding the right connection fail, you can easily fall into a rut, whether that involves faking orgasms or simply having trouble and just giving up. Don’t expect your partner to read your thoughts and know exactly what you like. Stay open to guiding him in the right direction and try different things in different situations.
Aim for Balance When Initiating
In order to improve the physical compatibility in your relationship, both of you should feel wanted by the other. If there’s only one person initiating sex, that becomes a big problem. Try to keep things balanced and make your partner feel wanted too.
Don’t Count on the Problem Going Away on Its Own
Even if the issue of physical compatibility only showed up later in the relationship, you can’t expect it to go away on its own. Without effort and commitment, you can’t expect things to improve. At the very least, stay together without it at least until you’ve explored all the main avenues to fix the issue.
Explore Other Options
If you both agree that there’s simple no physical compatibility in your relationship, you don’t necessarily have to give up on the rest your relationship that’s going well. An open relationship can sometimes be the solution, as long as you set ground rules together and respect them.