Long distance relationships are difficult, and when your guy is moving away, but you can’t pack up and go with him, there are some hard choices ahead. If it’s a new relationship, you’re better off letting it go, but if you’ve been through a lot together, there are a few ways you can try to make it work.
If he’s moving away, both of you need to help your relationship survive with both your attitudes and your actions. Here are the best ways to keep the connection even when you’re hundreds or thousands of miles apart.
Make Sure You’re on the Same Page
Once you get over the initial shock, it’s important to discuss the status of your relationship. Do you both really want to stick it out? You might consider putting the relationship on hold until you can be reunited geographically. But if you’re both sure you want to stay together, this is the moment to make that very clear.
Get Specific About the Future
When he’s moving away, one way to help your relationship survive is to discuss the details of how it’s going to work. Will you regularly spend time with each other online? How often will one of you travel to see the other? Even if he’ll be halfway across the world, you should still try to spend a few days together from time to time.
Make the Most Out of Technology
From Skype and Facetime to apps that keep you connected by showing you what the other is reading, watching or listening, technology can make a huge difference when you’re apart. Schedule regular video chats where you do more than talking. Watch the same movie together or share the same meal. Experiencing different things together can make you feel close even when you’re physically apart.
Discuss What This Means in the Long Run
Long distance relationships are usually only a temporary arrangement. If he’s moving away, help your relationship survive by having a serious talk about the future. Are there any plans for you to move to him later on? Will he return? You can’t make it work on just hopes and dreams, so it’s important to have a deadline for reuniting or calling it quits.
See also: The Biggest Long Distance Relationship Problems
Try to Be Supportive
Even if he’s really happy about the opportunity, he’ll still be sad that he has to leave you behind. You shouldn’t add to that. He might be struggling with his choice even if he’s not showing it, so offer your support, even if you know in your heart this is the beginning of the end for your relationship.
It’s easy to get nervous once he’s gone and start taking any missed call as a sign of rejection. When he’s moving away, you have to accept that things will be rough for a while, and you won’t always be on his mind. If you start fighting because you feel he’s disappointing you, that won’t help your relationship survive.
Enjoy the Free Time
Allow yourself a few days to mope after he’s gone, then get back to your life. You’ll have more time to spend with your friends and family or on your studies or career. Make the most out of the situation by keeping yourself busy, so you’ll have interesting things to share with him when you talk.
Give Yourselves Freedom
When you’re uncertain about the future, one thing that might help your relationship survive when he’s moving away is to lose the monogamy. Instead of wasting time and energy thinking about the possibility that he might cheat, or you might be tempted to, get rid of the sexual commitment. The best long distance relationships arrangements involve discretion, so it’s a good idea to stick to a don’t ask, don’t tell approach.
Don’t Let Others Convince You It Can’t Work
You might get a lot of well-meaning advice from people who just want the best for you, and for them that best is ending your relationship. Just because others have experienced long distance relationships that ended badly doesn’t mean yours will too. You can only make it work by staying positive about the future.
More: Reasons Why Long Distance Relationships Don’t Work
Give Yourselves a Day Off
Frequent digital communication can help your relationship survive when he’s moving away, but don’t be obsessive about talking every single day. Take one day off every week to focus on yourselves and you’ll have more to discuss next time.